I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
high people should be assigned attendants
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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