This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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