i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
