soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
