i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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