I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
