my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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