p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
