in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
