now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
