I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
