We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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