I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
