My balls are so social today.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
