I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
