Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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