I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
