Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We're too hungover to prance.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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