once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
