They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
