I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
