Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
