ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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