I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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