I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
