Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
