She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
