we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We got so high we made milksteak
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
