we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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