I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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