We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
