I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
