I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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