i just wanna soil my oats bro
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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