um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
