i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
