Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
