i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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