oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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