capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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