He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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