Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
