Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
