"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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