Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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