If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
