I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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