i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
