he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
