I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
