Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
