you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
