No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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