also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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