I didn't shave. On purpose
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
