Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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