I met the friendliest cop last night
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize