i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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