im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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