I think I am morally bankrupt
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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