Who did Billy Mays play for?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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