If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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